|Can’t you just hear her?|
idiomatic expression that doesn’t translate literally but has a deeper meaning. In this case it would be defined as “You will have to wait!”
Currently, “Hold, please!” is my life. Allow me to expound upon this expression for you.
Raise your hand if you’ve seen the movie A Walk To Remember, the Nicholas Sparks book turned movie screenplay. Okay, now that most of you have raised your hand, I hope you also realized that I can’t really see you, but that is beside the point. Anyway, in this sweet and extremely emotional love story, the young man falls madly in love with a terminally ill young lady. To express his love, he tries to bring to life her “bucket list” (yes, I know that’s a whole other movie, but in this case the expression works). One of the items on her list is to be in two places at one time. The lovesick boy drives her to the state line and instructs her to place one foot on one side of the line and one foot on the other side of the line, thus putting her in two places at one time. She was successfully in two places at one time, but she was not in either place completely. Truthfully, no one can really be in two places at once, and trying to be in both places at once is actually painful.
There have been so many times in my life where I have felt this exact same way. The last few years of college, I so wanted to “get on with my career, my real life.” During young motherhood, I cherished the sweet baby moments, but mourned the fact that I was cemented to a life of total dependency. I longed for my old independent self, but I didn’t want to give up my precious babies. Finally, I find myself now in the same predicament. My heart longs to leave for my missions journey, yet I’m currently bound to my life here in Florida as teacher. I’m anxious to get started and discover the reality of exactly what I’ve chosen to do and I’m excited for what God will do in my life and those around me while we are gone. Furthermore, I need separation to make the letting go process not so painful. It seems I’ve been living in goodbye mode for a year now. Others’ lives seem to be moving right along — just as they should be– but I can no longer maintain and active role in those lives I love so deeply. Add in that I don’t know how long the “Hold, please” will last, and you have yourself one person living in TWO places at once and not fully in either one. This is one tough place to be.
In my plight, I sought some solace from God and of course He answered reassuringly. Psalms 123:1-2 reads, I lift up my eyes to you, to you whose throne is in heaven. As the eyes of slaves look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maid look to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the LORD our God, till he shows us his mercy. What an amazing picture this gives! Consider the relationship of the handmaiden (young slave girl) to the Lady that she serves. Her eyes are constantly on her Lady, and she quietly waits for the slightest instruction to be given. Even when her Mistress raises her finger in the most minimal movement, the handmaiden jumps into action.
This is equivalent to my relationship with God: my eyes must be focused on God, waiting for the slightest movement of His hand giving me the okay to go. Note that my task is to be FOCUSED on God just as the handmaiden was focused on her Lady. When my eyes zero in on life here and what I’m living behind– a great job, amazing friends, dear family– I get weary and bogged down. If I keep my eyes on God and the moment I live right now, the weight lifts and the anxiety and pain lessens. Resting in the fact that I am his servant, I know soon He will lift his finger, point, and say, “Go!” Therefore, I will confidently wait for that moment because I know that “Hold, please!” always implies that it is temporary.