Working hard in language class

adjective:  subject to decay, ruin, or destruction

I am human. I am falliable. I am uncooperative, weak.  Why? Because I am perishable. 2 Corinthians 4:7 reminds me of this fact: “this precious treasure–this light and power that now shines within us–is held within perishable containers, that is in our weak bodies.” This verse is a sweet revelation to me.

Needless to say, the past few months have been some of the most difficult months of my life. Unfortunately, I’ve spent some of this time punishing myself for being perishable, for having a body and mind that is perishing. Not too long ago, I was in my bedroom crying and having a conversation with God (albeit, it was a one-sided conversation in this case). Oh, I had a lot to say and numerous questions for which I desperately needed answers. The first of which was, “Did you pick the right woman for this missions thing?” That was followed quickly with demands of “I cannot do this! It’s too hard! My heart wants to go home too bad.”  After the frustration subsided, I just cried and let God know the truth: “I miss my family, my friends, my old life.” I want to do what He has called me to, but my mind keeps fighting with my heart. 

Wish I could be super-spiritual and tell you that in that painful moment God answered my cry and lightened my heart, but He didn’t. However, over the course of several days, He did answer my questions. That afternoon, I fell asleep with a sense of complete frustration. Frustrated for having such negative feelings, for longing desperately for the way things used to be. I couldn’t fathom why I wanted so badly to go home and still feel God’s calling so strongly.  Shouldn’t the knowledge of my obedience be enough to calm my aching heart? Shouldn’t the joy of being in God’s perfect will light up my life? I felt like such a failure for having feelings contrary to God’s will for me.

Over the course of the next several days, God gave me a “freeing word.” Sorry that sounds so hyper-spiritual, but that’s the only way I can explain it. 2 Corinthians 4:7 taught me a few things:

  • My body is simply a perishable container; it does not work in God’s full glory all the time.
  • Everything that is perishable in me is accustomed to reject the eternal in God. 
  • My perishable body fights against all that is eternal.
Punishing myself for my feelings was ridiculous! God’s word clearly said I was a perishable container. I am not condemned for having certain feelings; it is only when I let my body choose the perishable over the eternal. For example, if I had gotten up from my bed and went straight to the computer to purchase an airplane ticket home — perishable. Cracking open my Spanish workbooks for a little study session– eternal!

The words eternal and perishable are constantly at war (that’s probably why they are called opposites). Our spirits cry out for the eternal, but our bodies wage war for the perishable, so that means I have to fight for the eternal things in my life.  The only way that the eternal can shine within this perishable me is is by focusing on the second part of the verse: “so everyone can see that our glorious power is from God and is not our own.”  In my current journey, I’m reminded DAILY that any power I have (to learn another language, forsake my old life, and reach others for Christ) comes directly from Him. For everything in Him is eternal and when He lives in me and works through me, I become non-perishable. 

It is true that I am human, fallible, uncooperative and weak, but when I leave this computer, I won’t be packing my bags. I will be heading for the books — Spanish workbooks that is. One choice at a time pushes back the enemy of perishable in my life and lets the eternal of Christ shine through.

4 thoughts on “perishable

  1. Jill

    I'm so proud of you…. So honored to be called your friend. Every day you face and triumph over obstacles the rest of us never even have to consider. Your courage, faith and fortitude are both inspiring and humbling to me. Thankful for being a living example of obedience and sacrifice. I love you girl. I miss you like crazy, and envy the women that get to spend time with you every day. They are truly blessed to have you in their lives. Please tell Keith, Cade and Baylee "hello" for us, and that we miss them too. I'm praying for you…because you are the best crotched afghan friend a girl could ever have. 😉

  2. Ash

    I'll blame most of it on the hormonal pregnancy but this morning I was teary watching your family- imagining what it might be like to be in your shoes. You should know that you all are loved and respected and most importantly- we have not forgotten about the sacrifice your making for the kingdom.


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