|Working hard in language class|
adjective: subject to decay, ruin, or destruction
I am human. I am falliable. I am uncooperative, weak. Why? Because I am perishable. 2 Corinthians 4:7 reminds me of this fact: “this precious treasure–this light and power that now shines within us–is held within perishable containers, that is in our weak bodies.” This verse is a sweet revelation to me.
Needless to say, the past few months have been some of the most difficult months of my life. Unfortunately, I’ve spent some of this time punishing myself for being perishable, for having a body and mind that is perishing. Not too long ago, I was in my bedroom crying and having a conversation with God (albeit, it was a one-sided conversation in this case). Oh, I had a lot to say and numerous questions for which I desperately needed answers. The first of which was, “Did you pick the right woman for this missions thing?” That was followed quickly with demands of “I cannot do this! It’s too hard! My heart wants to go home too bad.” After the frustration subsided, I just cried and let God know the truth: “I miss my family, my friends, my old life.” I want to do what He has called me to, but my mind keeps fighting with my heart.
Wish I could be super-spiritual and tell you that in that painful moment God answered my cry and lightened my heart, but He didn’t. However, over the course of several days, He did answer my questions. That afternoon, I fell asleep with a sense of complete frustration. Frustrated for having such negative feelings, for longing desperately for the way things used to be. I couldn’t fathom why I wanted so badly to go home and still feel God’s calling so strongly. Shouldn’t the knowledge of my obedience be enough to calm my aching heart? Shouldn’t the joy of being in God’s perfect will light up my life? I felt like such a failure for having feelings contrary to God’s will for me.
Over the course of the next several days, God gave me a “freeing word.” Sorry that sounds so hyper-spiritual, but that’s the only way I can explain it. 2 Corinthians 4:7 taught me a few things:
- My body is simply a perishable container; it does not work in God’s full glory all the time.
- Everything that is perishable in me is accustomed to reject the eternal in God.
- My perishable body fights against all that is eternal.
It is true that I am human, fallible, uncooperative and weak, but when I leave this computer, I won’t be packing my bags. I will be heading for the books — Spanish workbooks that is. One choice at a time pushes back the enemy of perishable in my life and lets the eternal of Christ shine through.