adjective, producing no result; useless
Did you know that coconut oil is the latest beauty secret that will rejuvenate your 40-something-year-old skin and give you a youthful appearance once again. Well, since I am 40-something, I decided I could use a little “rejuvenation” so I went to my local health food store and bought a bottle. (Ecuador loves a good homeopathic remedy.) I took my miracle oil home and slathered my face in it. And I had to admit that after a few minutes my beginning-to-wrinkle face was a little more smooth and youthful. Maybe this was the secret I needed to stay young.
Or maybe not…You see, after two days of using the oil, I began to notice a rash developing on my neck and sliding up to my cheeks. What I failed to remember was that I have very sensitive skin. So instead of getting a youthful glow, I ended up with a swollen face, covered in red blotches, that burned like a bonfire on a hot day. So much for looking years younger.
Fortunately, since I’ve experienced this “facial sensitivity” more than once in my life (Oh, how well I remember the acne cream that turned me into a Hitch-look-alike), I knew exactly how to handle it. So I made myself a cocktail of Benedryl and Prednisone and went to bed with ice packs on my face.
Unfortunately, I had forgotten that I had to take a psychometric test at the local DMV of Ecuador that day. This is a test where they measure your ability to react to specific driving situations including sounds, hand-eye-coordination, and so on. One part of the test required that I maneuver two red balls down a roadway each in their own separate lanes using two separate knobs, one for each hand. I’d love to tell you that I kept it between the lines, but I didn’t. Let’s just say that a Benedryl before driving might not be such a great idea. If they could have pulled me over for a walk-the-line test followed by a touch-your-nose test, I would have failed. But by mustering all of my concentration skills I passed. I guess you can slam your car into the side rails at least three times before they decide to take your license here in Ecuador.
The actual paper and pen test is coming up next week which means no coconut oil or Benedryl for me. After all, my license is still going to give my current age, no matter how many wrinkles I have.
Unpacking Life 
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Loved this! Sorry for you, but needed the laugh. Love and miss you guys dearly!
Hilarious! Thank you for giving me my first laugh of the day. Being prone to the occasional vain impulse coinciding with the fact that I’m a product junkie has definitely led me to my fair share of beauty blunders. One of my most memorable is the time I decided to get my hair colored 2 days before our family trip to Disney World. I was going for a reddish brown color (because I have always secretly wished I was a red head) and ended up with hair the color of an eggplant. It was AWFUL. I was so embarrassed to be traipsing around the “happiest place on earth” with purple hair. I looked like a Disney character gone rogue, which explains why I am wearing a hat in every picture we had made. Too funny!!