Category Archives: parenting

Overcoming the Misty Image

My Tree-Climbing Toddler

My Tree-Climbing Toddler

The day I took my almost 3-year-old son to the pastor for prayer was the low-point.  After  a complete meltdown in the Winn Dixie parking lot, my son sat whimpering and snubbing quietly in his room. I called my husband sobbing in complete mother-failure fashion, and he suggested we meet at the church to let the pastor pray for us and our son.

Now while this sounds like a dramatic introduction to a tragic family story, it’s really only a glimpse into life with a strong-willed child.  My hopes of mommy adoration and a perfectly well-behaved boy had been shattered in that parking lot. God had gifted me with an all-boy daredevil with a determined and stubborn heart. He climbed trees,

Explorer Extraordinaire

Explorer Extraordinaire

strolled precariously along the back of the couch, and stayed covered in dirt from his constant outdoor explorations. By the age of 2-and-a-half , I quit chasing him altogether. I decided that reality discipline (thanks Dr. Leman) was our best course of action.  If he fell while walking the front porch railing and broke his arm, he might think twice before doing it again. He was the wager of epic battles of will. I remember several times where he was put in his room until he could come out with an apology for his behavior or disobedience.  Eventually, he would emerge from his room with a sweet hug and an “I’m sorry, Mommy” but that was after HOURS of room isolation.

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My fella and I today

That dare-devil with dogged determination turned 17 this past weekend (which is a feat considering I honestly thought he wouldn’t make it past 4). What an incredible young man he has become.  He still loves a challenge and rarely lets anything get the best of him. His mind brims with crazy knowledge about algebraic formulas, historical facts, pop culture tidbits, and random thoughts that leave the family in stitches. He’s a self-learner: if he wants to know something he studies it until he’s proficient. (He’s even taught himself Korean!) He’s a defender of the underdog and hates injustice in any form — including the oppressive educational system -he is 17 after all.  He loves with his whole heart. He’s all in, all the time, for the people and things he loves.

If only I could have focused on this traits when he was younger and not let them exasperate me.  All that he is now was there when he was that precocious 3-year-old. He wasn’t perfect then; he’s not perfect now, but he has taken those “perceived weaknesses” and made them his strengths.

The Message version of 1 Corinthians 13:12 says, “We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!”

Today many of us are looking at ourselves thru a fog, peering in a mist, and what we see isn’t pretty. This verse, however, says that God sees us clearly, as the perfectly mature Christ-follower we are meant to be. He doesn’t focus on our weaknesses or failures. He knows were are getting closer and closer to the person he planned for us to be. While we often look at how far we are away from the self-denying, Christ-following, and sacrificial person we should be, God see us whole and complete in Him.  He has no reason to worry; he has a reason to sing — we are his treasure. Just as an artist paints with the end product in his mind, God see us as his masterpiece.

Maybe it’s time we focused on that picture of ourselves. Somehow I believe it will get us further in our walk with Christ than our current “misty” perspective.  Once we change our mindset,  Ephesians 2:10 will ring truer: “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Then when those Winn Dixie  meltdowns occur, we can rest assured in the Creator artist and his careful blending of our imperfections, weaknesses, strengths, and beauty brushed flawlessly in one of his finest works.

Wednesday Reads: Exchanging Chaos for Intention

Wednesday Reads Wide

Notes from a Blue Bike: The Art of Living Intentionally in a Chaotic World caught my attention for one reason – the idea of a bike. For the past few years, I’ve so wanted to own a “cruiser bike.” You know the kind with a cute basket on the front, painted in a sweet color like turquoise or pink. I can easily imagine myself just puttin’ around with flowers dangling picturesquely out of my little basket — headed nowhere but blissfully happy.

Now I will say that parts of this book do speak to that fantasy, but most of it is about living in the real world. Not just living but living in a way that breeds positive and life-changing choices for families. It offers the hope of living a slower paced life because you choose it. While this concept is no easy feat in our insanely scheduled and overly busy lives, Tsh Oxenreider presented doable steps to achieve the art of living intentionally. Here’s a few reasons why I like the book:

1.  After living a few years in a foreign country, I gained a new perspective. A perspective stateside friends didn’t really understand – even though they tried. Reading this book was a comfort because Tsh had lived abroad as well. I identified with her and felt comfort knowing someone felt the feelings that bubbled constantly beneath the surface of my heart. In chapter 2 while speaking of her family’s return to the states after a long stint in Turkey, she articulated exactly what I was feeling: “But the truth is, it was hard for us to dive into the deep end of life. Our skin felt itchy, as though our home culture were now a too-tight sweater. And why did everyone seem to be in such a hurry?” I knew she understood me, and I wanted to hear more.

2. She speaks convincingly not condemningly. So much of what she writes gently opposes the modern American life. The subtitle of the book truly is the point. Tsh shares first her reasons for living intentionally and then gives some practical suggestions on how to make that happen. She discusses grocery shopping, child rearing, traveling, career pursuits, education, and even entertainment. Each area of our lives can be lived by choice and not by force. Just the simple act of making that choice in various areas of our lives will render them more enjoyable and purpose-filled. One of my favorite quotes from the book is the discussion of purchasing fair trade foods. While the younger generation is living for a “cause” they often – like the older generations – don’t really know why. Tsh says it this way: “Jesus taught that we should love one another just as he loved us, and that we are called to look out for the interests of others and not just ourselves (John13:34, Phil. 2:4). This means we shouldn’t, in good conscience and to the best of our ability make daily choices that harm others. This includes where we spend our money.”      This concept was easy for me to see after spending many weekends at the local open air food markets in Costa Rica and Ecuador. I adored this part of my week. Most Saturdays were spent procuring various fruits and vegetables from local farmers and then cleaning and storing them all. My family was eating healthier and I was a part of that. In Costa Rica, I could have easily gone to the grocery store and purchased many of the same items, but it was a better choice to support local farmers and a step toward living a more intentional life.

3.  Her book gently confirms the heart’s longing for a fuller life without all the extra work. Learning to live with the idea that less is more, in every aspect of life, is difficult in a world where everyone consistently seizes more, more, more. As I read each page I noted ways that I could make my life more intentional. I discovered ways to incorporate that concept into every day life – not just on Saturdays. I think it was easier for me to adapt to her ideas since I had been somewhat forced into simple living while in Ecuador, but I do know that this way of life is so much more fulfilling. As Tsh says, “we were made to live with intention, beyond the status quo. Don’t waste your years punching time clocks, sacrificing your ideas and passions and relationships without purpose. You have them for a reason – use them well.”

4.  I would whole-heartedly recommended this book to young wives and mothers. I read many of Tsh’s words and thought if only I knew this when my kids were younger. I would have done things so differently. Young wives and mothers need to have tools to build the best home they can for their spouses and children. Often they fall prey to the idea that it’s a bigger home, better-paying job, and college-prep kindergartens. Tsh helps the reader see that while those things have value, there is no greater value than making the choices that are truly best for your family. It doesn’t matter what other moms or wives are doing. But learning to define at a young age what your family will be about is invaluable. This will be my next baby shower or wedding gift. Such truths that need to be learned early.

On her blog The Art of Simple, Tsh best sums up the concept of the book.

“It doesn’t always feel like it, but we do have the freedom to creatively change the everyday little things in our lives so that our path better aligns with our values and passions.”

So often I’ve felt I had no choice but to live the busy, over-scheduled life I was dealt. I had no idea that I could make small choices to change that life into a better one for my family and me. Living intentionally has made me a happier person and my family more focused on what’s truly important to us.